It’s amazing how many I comments I get when I wear it.  Princess Bride fans, unite!

It’s a…..  SCOOTER GANG!  Don’t let the appearance fool you; these guys are probably packin’ heat.  Along with that space-saver doughnut tire.

So do you think some women might use this to do a little touch up on the make-up?  I just used to see how cool my car looks

So I went to the eye doctor yesterday for an exam and he had to dilate my eyes so he could look inside them or something silly like that.  I had a book with me as I knew I would spend some time waiting, so after he put the drops in I started reading.  He told me to enjoy reading because in a few minutes I wouldn’t be able to once the drops took effect.

That’s what HE thought; it took me a couple minutes to figure it out, but I was able to read just fine.  The doctor cracked up when he walked in!

So my friend [name redacted] has been navigating the online dating world in a large city on the east coast. She is a hottie and quite a catch overall, so naturally the weirdos have been coming out of the woodwork trying to get up in her grill. Here is the latest; I’m not sure what is up with taking the EXACT SAME PHOTO MULTIPLE TIMES WITH NOTHING BUT COSTUME CHANGES, so for my own enjoyment I made a flipbook out of it. He sort of looks like he is dancing, don’t you think.

As my good friend Kim would say: “Oh dear.”

So several weeks ago I was downtown to meet my friend Jill for lunch and while I was waiting for her a woman who was on a cellphone asked if I could help a bird that was flopping around all over the sidewalk.  I saw the bird and thought it was having seizure or had a broken wing or something; having watched Wild Kingdom every Sunday night while growing up, I knew I had to jump in and do something; little did I know that Jill was catching this on her cell phone camera.  She also blogged about this in her “Saving Captain Jack” post; get it?

Here is me in the “capture phase”:

And then holding it while we figured out what was wrong with it, which turned out to be some bird netting. I thought bird netting was meant to keep birds out of things, not detach and tangle them up. It was so wrapped around the bird that Jill had to go get some scissors which she used to cut the netting while I spread the birds wings out one at a time so we could get to it.

Here is the netting; nasty stuff!

My name is Wayne, and I am the Bird Whisperer.

Yes, I live in downtown Phoenix, can walk to my haircut, dry-cleaner, the main Phoenix Library, over thirty coffeeshops and restaurants.  And this is my neighbor’s goat.  Seriously.

It must be lonely because whenever I come up to the alley to throw away trash it comes running up to the fence to be petted.

Which, of course, I do.

Weird.  She usually crosses her FRONT legs.

I can’t even remember whose wallet this is; the picture was in my phone. Come on, fess up!  Yes, that is a QUARTER.