Monthly Archives: January 2008

Just say NO to BUTTheads…

So while driving to my reps office yesterday, I had two different people over a ten minute period throw cigarette butts out their windows while driving right in front of me. It REALLY used to piss me off when I rode a motorcycle as I was hit with hot cigarette butts while driving down the road. WTF?? Do they think that it is not litter?? Why don’t you keep your butts in that spotless ashtray in your car? Oh, that’s right. It makes the car smell bad.

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So instead you throw it out the window in a city that about zero percent humidity and dry brush that can light up like kindling. If you can’t even stand having old butts in your ashtray can you understand why we don’t want you smoking when we eat dinner?

Pigs.

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Review: Play: “Almost, Maine”

So I went and saw the play “Almost, Maine” yesterday with my friend Darcy; it is a series of sketches in a small town in Maine in the middle of winter, all of which deal with relationships of one type or another. It started a little slow but was pretty good the rest of the way through; I’d suggest you go see it, but yesterday was the last show!

One great sketch was a girl who shows up at her long time (eleven year) boyfriend’s house in the middle of the night needing to end the relationship because it is not going anywhere. She wanted back “all the love she had given him”, and she had “all the love he had given her” out in the car to return to him. She went and got it from the car, which consisted of a HUGE pile of huge brightly colored bags that looked like laundry bags. When she asked for “her love” back from him, it was a tiny little pouch the size of an apple. She was surprised it was so small, and then after a lot of interesting discussion about love and relationships, he explained that he had taken all the love she had given him (which actually a lot) and put it into this very tiny package.

Which turned out to be a ring.

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Someone UNdented my car!

Okay, I KNOW who UNdented it because I had to write him a check for $159 to get him to do it. I actually saved myself some bucks by doing the first part myself, since they pay by the size of the dent (a 3 inch dent is $159); here is where we started:

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And here is my individual effort (yes, that IS a toilet plunger):

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Which left me with this (a much cheaper dent!):

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Which the dent guy turned into this:

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I still have to get the rubber marks off from the dicksmack who hit me, but it looks good now. All for the low price of $159, or $318 per hour (it only took him 30 minutes!)

What’s in front of me….

It could be worse; they started out behind me!

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Review: Book: Give It Up!

As many of my friends know, I am somewhat minimalist when it comes to “stuff”. I like some toys and gadgets (TiVo, iPod, cool phone, etc) but I don’t want anything that I have to fix, dust, or store in boxes. To that end, I found a book at the library called “Give It Up!” about a woman in New York who decided to spend a year giving up different things for a month each to see what impact it had on her life.

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I have listed the categories and how I feel about each:

January, Alcohol: Would not be a big deal (but the author was a bit of a drinker, if you catch my drift); I only drink maybe once every week and a half anyway and then only have a few.

February, Shopping: Again, not a huge deal for me because my desire to not have “stuff” causes me to not buy “stuff” much unless it is needed or consumable.

March, Elevators: I live in Phoenix.

April, Newspapers: I don’t read them and I don’t watch the news. If something BIG happens, I’m sure a friend will let me know as they are heading east in their SUV to escape the explosion at the west side Palo Verde nuclear power plant.

May, Cell phones: WHY should I give this up again?

June, Dining out: Okay, now I am screwed. I eat out ALL OF THE TIME. I used to cook a lot when I lived in Moon Valley, but there are so many cool little food places downtown right by my house that I have admittedly gotten lazy about cooking. Let’s just move on to July…

July, Television: RATS! Foiled again. I certainly could watch less television (I have a TiVo Series 3 with TWO tuners so I can watch a recorded show and record two others at the same time!), and last week I actually did so. I turned off the TV Sunday night, put the remotes in a drawer where I had to make a POINT to go get them and did not turn on the TV until late Thursday night. And it seems as though I missed almost NOTHING, so I am going to try this again this week and see how that goes. I am so impressed with friends who don’t have cable SL, JB, EL, ML, you know who you are!), but I am not ready to do that yet!

August, Taxis: See entry “March, Elevators”.

September, Coffee: I only drink a cup a day in the morning and that one is decaf. The creamer I put in (aka liquid sugar) probably doesn’t help though.

October, Cursing: Fuck that shit. Actually, I do try not to curse, especially around people who I feel may be uncomfortable with it. Get off my ass! I’m fucking working on it!

November, Chocolate: Not a big chocolate eater anyway. Especially after grabbing a square of Ghiradelli BAKING chocolate from my friend Mary’s pantry and popping in my mouth. It actually takes a good ten seconds of chewing to realize that a mistake has been made.

December, Multitasking: Hard to imagine stopping that as I am listening to NPR, writing this and running some stuff for work. Tell you what, I’ll stop texting while driving, since that is illegal now anyway…

Someone dented my car!

Well, that sucks. A brand new 2007 Acura TL and some dicksmack (I credit my friend Tim for teaching me that one; it just fits sometimes. Say it out loud, you’ll see….)…. anyway, some DICKSMACK (again, say out loud but with emphasis as clearly implied by the capitalization) ran into my car and didn’t leave a note or anything. It is mostly just pushed in (though the dent is the size of a small turkey platter) and not really scratched much so it is POSSIBLE someone didn’t know they did it, but I doubt it. I am pretty sure it happened at the YMCA downtown, which wouldn’t surprise me given the way the geezers cram their 1980’s era Lincolns and Caddies into parking spaces made for Geo Metros and Dodge Neons. Check it out:

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Maybe I can pop it out with a toilet plunger or something

I really need your help, so if anyone either:

1. Knows who might have done this, or

2. Knows of a better word to describe the perpetrator than “DICKSMACK

then please leave me a comment.

Just say NO to headbands on babies!

My friend Kiri (who has a beautiful seven month old girl) was explaining how she couldn’t wait for her daughter to have hair so she could put “stuff” in it, like bows, pins etc. At least she is waiting for hair first, because if you ask guys over the age of 35 what they think of when they see a baby with a headband, it is invariably Clint Howard in the Star Trek episode “The Corbomite Maneuver”:

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Ignoring the full set of teeth, certainly you can see the unfortunate resemblance.

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