Wayne's Whirled

My buddy Aaron found this puppy wandering around his metal shop in downtown Phoenix and he wants to find it a home rather than taking it to a shelter. Pretty darn cute, you gotta admit and I guess he is really sweet and playful. Contact as follows:

Being somewhat of an avid “texter” two things always make me go “Hmmm…”

1. Words that have a relationship to one another that are spelled with the same keystrokes. For example, 5477 can be either “kiss” or “lips”. (It can also be “lisp”, which is even more funny.) 2625 is another interesting one, but you’ll have to try that one out yourself.

2.  The T9 predictive text seems to make weird choices about which of the several words spelled with the keystrokes I am trying to say.  Granted I seldom have to type the word “eels” but if I DO, it is much more likely that I want to type “eels” and not “delp”.

Go ahead gang, have a field day with that subject line 🙂

Whenever I fill up the gas tank in my car I feel violated, and I have a feeling that this is going to be an ongoing and ever-worsening issue. This one hurt more than last time.

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Six cents a gallon more, to be exact.

So is it just me or are most of the contestants on this show not very bright? They get an offer of a couple hundred thousand dollars (when they probably make $30k a year) and they still keep holding out for that million!

It is the peer pressure? When has THAT ever resulted in a good outcome? (Think beer bongs, shots of Jagermeister and crack). Is it the few more minutes of fame? If so, they end up paying about $20K for each additional minute when they get one-fourth of their original offer. Is it just plain stupidity? Is it the math system in this country?

<sigh>

I love when you can tell there is ONE smart person in the family who is BEGGING them to stop while the other family members are thinking “when they win that million I’m gettin’ me some of it!” and yelling “NO DEAL”!

I think if they actually handed them the money for each offer and then said that they had to place it back on the table and use it as a bet to win more, then they would probably take their original $200K offer and go back home and buy the nicest trailer in the whole damn park.

Here is a good rule of thumb: if you are offered an amount that could CHANGE YOUR LIFE, take it. And if anyone in your family was cheering you to keep going, they get NOTHING.

So I was having lunch with my friend Roger today and he was explaining some medical screening he was going to do and his comment was

“There are some ‘-ologists’ on the list that I’ve never heard of before!”

I thought it was funny, and it reminded me of one of my important medical theories:

“Try to avoid having any procedures that have the suffix ‘-scopy’.”

Has everyone heard of this? It is the art of “one or more persons obscuring or augmenting any part of the body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.” Examples below:

I wonder if I can do this with my old 8-tracks? Check out more here.

Definite bad ones:

1. husky
2. hirsute
3. rotund
4. rubenesque
5. zaftig
6. cankles
7. five-head (a forehead, only larger; Worf on Star Trek is a 12-head, or dodeca-head-ron)
8. three-head (opposite of above; think Cro-Magnon)
9. fupa (look this one up yourself)
10. uniboob (these are self-inflicted through poor cosmetic surgery choices)
11. unibrow
12. camel toe
13. moose knuckle

So-so ones

1. stocky
2. gangly
3. angular

Please add ones that I may have missed. Don’t be offended, as several probably apply to me.

Sorry for the crudeness, but how can this not be the perfect lighting over that previously posted vagina couch?

So I was meeting with my colleague Dave H today and noticed this on his chair:

After inquiring as to whether he is preparing for a future career as a cab driver, he explained that the nice new “leather-ish” chairs they received at work are comfy, but can create a serious case of swamp ass, especially in summer. Hence the seat cushion obviously stolen out of a 1988 Olds Delta 88 Brougham that was parked somewhere out in Sun City West. He probably snagged some bitchin’ curb feelers at the same time as well as those big dark green plastic sungoggles that fit over other glasses.

To give you a clearer picture of Dave, note the Lego screensaver (which, when I pointed it out he exclaimed “I have that one at home!”) and the Worlds of Warcraft mousepad.

Did I mention that this is his desk at WORK?