Wayne's Whirled

So I was having lunch with my friend Roger today and he was explaining some medical screening he was going to do and his comment was

“There are some ‘-ologists’ on the list that I’ve never heard of before!”

I thought it was funny, and it reminded me of one of my important medical theories:

“Try to avoid having any procedures that have the suffix ‘-scopy’.”

Has everyone heard of this? It is the art of “one or more persons obscuring or augmenting any part of the body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.” Examples below:

I wonder if I can do this with my old 8-tracks? Check out more here.

Definite bad ones:

1. husky
2. hirsute
3. rotund
4. rubenesque
5. zaftig
6. cankles
7. five-head (a forehead, only larger; Worf on Star Trek is a 12-head, or dodeca-head-ron)
8. three-head (opposite of above; think Cro-Magnon)
9. fupa (look this one up yourself)
10. uniboob (these are self-inflicted through poor cosmetic surgery choices)
11. unibrow
12. camel toe
13. moose knuckle

So-so ones

1. stocky
2. gangly
3. angular

Please add ones that I may have missed. Don’t be offended, as several probably apply to me.

Sorry for the crudeness, but how can this not be the perfect lighting over that previously posted vagina couch?

So I was meeting with my colleague Dave H today and noticed this on his chair:

After inquiring as to whether he is preparing for a future career as a cab driver, he explained that the nice new “leather-ish” chairs they received at work are comfy, but can create a serious case of swamp ass, especially in summer. Hence the seat cushion obviously stolen out of a 1988 Olds Delta 88 Brougham that was parked somewhere out in Sun City West. He probably snagged some bitchin’ curb feelers at the same time as well as those big dark green plastic sungoggles that fit over other glasses.

To give you a clearer picture of Dave, note the Lego screensaver (which, when I pointed it out he exclaimed “I have that one at home!”) and the Worlds of Warcraft mousepad.

Did I mention that this is his desk at WORK?

Wouldn’t you?  It’s not like I drive a Hummer or something.

For some reason, the NAV display in my car feels the need to point out EVERY SINGLE TRAILER PARK IN THE AREA while I am driving.

Okay, so I grew up in a trailer!  Stop taunting me!

It was 10′ x 57′ (OUTSIDE dimensions including the HITCH) and was a 3 bedroom, 2 bath; I kid you not.

As far as I can tell, there is no way to shut this off. Just a constant reminder of my roots, I guess.

Ya gotta love Costco.  I can see the “Office” and “School” use, but HOME?  Who glues that much?

So last week my best friend Kiri had her first art opening at the gallery at Paradise Valley Community College. It included three of her large paintings and a bunch of her cool photography:

I heard many excellent comments on her work; I am so glad that she was able to get her art on display for others to see.

She also had her baby Sasha there; I know this because I almost tripped over her:

Just kidding! We were all keeping an eye on her!

A friend of a friend has an architectural graphic design business with another girl called “Canary” (the BUSINESS, not the girl). Check out their business cards; I challenge anyone to have one of each persons card and NOT orient them to complete the canary. It’s involuntary!