Wayne's Whirled

As usual, I got into a weird discussion with a friend about the “correct” way to sort laundry for washing. Here’s mine:

1. Whites
2. Shirts
3. Towels and sheets
4. Other (jeans, underwear, socks, etc)

What are yours? Let’s see some comments!

READ BEFORE WATCHING THE VIDEO!  All of you are like those people who date online and look at photos without reading the profile.  Geesh.

Some of you may know that I play in a dodgeball league; those of you that didn’t know but do know ME think about it for a minute and you’ll be like “Yeah, I can see Wayne doing something goofy like that…”

Quick rules explanation: it is just like in the movie “Dodgeball”: if you get hit you’re out, if you catch a ball then the thrower is out and your team gets to have a person come back in (a two-person swing!), etc with one major thing added. If you are the last player on your team, you can try to make a dodgeball half-court shot (while the other team is still throwing at you) and if you do, it is called a “jailbreak” and your WHOLE TEAM gets to come back on the court. It doesn’t happen really often and everyone goes nuts when someone makes one.

So our league coordinator put together a video from some highlights from this season so far: check out the girl in the yellow pants getting knocked down, the girl who gets hit and then steps on a ball and wipes out and listen to the narration from the Dodgeball movie about picking on the weaker players when the video is showing a team with just three girls left. How sexist! I’ve gotten beaned by a few girls playing this crazy sport. It is really a lot of fun…

Check out the short video; sound needed for the full experience:

Recognize the guy who made the jailbreak at the end? Granted I practically killed myself in my excitement after by almost stepping on a ball while backing up, but I got instant dodgeball credibility with all the young kids, since most of them are in their twenties!

Finally, my 15 seconds of fame; the world moves too quick to get 15 minutes anymore…

Okay, pervert friends. You either thought (or was hoping) that this post was breast-size-related; sorry to disappoint, but it is about DRINKING CUPS.

It really IS this simple; drinking cups come in many sizes (as do bra cups) but there is no standard for sizes (unlike bra cups). “Small”, “medium”, “large” and “extra large” are only measurements relative to one another.

That being said, when there are only TWO (drinking) cup sizes available at an eaterie, they MUST be “small” and “large”, no matter what they say at Sack’s sandwiches, where they name their TWO available sizes “medium” and “large”. I mean, you can’t have a medium without a small, can you? And if you go to a place with three (drinking) cup sizes and they call them “medium”, “large” and “extra large” isn’t it really “small”, “medium” and “large”?

And don’t even get me started on the whole “tall”, “grande”, “venti” thing.

As for breasts, small is good, medium is excellent, large is a little scary and extra large is obviously beyond my ability. Here is the scale by bra cup, drinking cup and Starbucks terminology. If anyone knows what Starbucks would call those large ones, let me know.

It’s good that my camera’s macro mode allows me to make clear close-up photos.  It’s bad that I use this power in the wrong way.

Yes, that is a dime. Yes, that is a nose hair.

Getting older kinda sucks sometimes.

So I was talking to my friend John K this past Friday at happy hour and we had a little debate over a local Chinese buffet that I used to go to years ago when it first opened. I told him I thought it was great and he said it now sucked. His experience has been that Chinese buffets invariably start good, with lots of meat dishes, fresh ingredients and generally a large selection of CHINESE food. Then they all go downhill. So I asked how one knows that they have started going downhill.

He thought for a second and said “As soon as they start serving tater tots… and cheese pizza…”

Hard to argue that.

So I went to Feeney’s pub the other night for a drink and bite to eat with my friend Jennifer, and it turns out that a bite is exactly what I got. Here were the “sliders” that I ordered:

Incredibly tiny cellphone shown for size comparison. I appreciate that Feeney’s is so concerned about my portion control, but this is a little ridiculous. Look at the size of the plate compared to the slider!

Yup, Mary Ann, the SWEET one from Gilligan’s Island was busted with some weed:

I mean, I could see Ginger getting caught with some coke or the professor with some new designer drug made from coconut shells, but MARY ANN???

I’m crushed.