Monthly Archives: February 2008

What would you say if the whole world was listening?

I just finished a book about a guy who wins a spaceflight from a “Richard Branson-esque” private spaceflight company. Tragedy ensues (of course, else it would have been a much shorter book), the pilot of the craft is killed after they are up in orbit (for what was supposed to be a “three hour tour” and YES, the guy does reference Gilligan’s Island in the book) and all communication is lost between the ship and the ground. Or WAS it?!??

Anyway, this guy knows he has enough air (and enough Powerbars and water) to last five days; he tries unsuccessfully to do what it takes to bring the ship back down (he was given some rudimentary training for a few days before the flight, but I would assume it would be like trying land your tandem freefall parachute jump yourself after your instructor has died while strapped to your back). He eventually settles down to sort of accept his fate, as it were.

However, there is a laptop on the ship so he starts typing his life story: the things he did right and wrong, the things he wished he had done different, etc all in the hope that perhaps one day his children might be able to read it. What he doesn’t know is that laptop is set up on a live download link to earth (which still works) and that a hacker kid in New Zealand (stay with me) has found the feed. He sends it to friends and eventually it gets to the media and after a day or two the whole planet is aware of this crisis in space and is following his words as they are being written. They are scrolling on the bottom of news channels and all over the internet and on the big screen in Times Square; the whole world has basically stopped what they were doing to see this play out and see what this person has to say. He writes hundreds of pages (he has the time, after all) detailing his greatest joys, his deepest sorrows and those choices that he most regrets.

The kicker is that the guy in space has no idea that anyone is seeing what he is writing. This results in his telling some quite personal information including a lot of detail of his first sexual encounter but eventually he just starts telling what he has learned in life, the mistakes he has made and what he would do different if he had the chance.

The chance that the people watching his words now DO have.

Needless to say, the effect on those watching was great, with people having realizations about themselves, their loved ones and they way in which they have lived their lives.

So my question to you is: “What would you say if the whole world was listening?”

Just say NO to using a Blackberry while driving!

I took a picture a couple months ago of my sales guy Greg driving us to Tucson:

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Yup, that is Greg eating a donut, drinking coffee, talking on his cellphone and steering with his knees (and passing a Prius). Fortunately for me he has a GREAT deal of skill doing this (no doubt due to years of practice).

I finally got used to this scary sight and suddenly he got a Blackberry:

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It is a sad commentary that a Blackberry takes SIGNIFICANTLY more attention than eating, drinking and talking on the phone all at the same time. The guy swerves all over the road now! He did better with knee steering!

Help.

Anthrax!?!?

When I got out to my car this morning, it was cased in some strange, very cold crystalline substance. After pondering this (from a distance!) for some time, I realized that it was ICE! WTF??? This is ARIZONA! It doesn’t FREEZE here!!

If I wanted to deal with that kind of weather, I would move back to Vermont, where the photo below depicts a typical morning from October through April:

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I know you flatlanders think it’s all maple syrup and autumn leaves there in Vermont, but it ain’t…

Just what everyone needs: a vagina couch!

So my friend Brant found the following for sale on craigslist:

“For Sale – beautiful pink “vagina couch” that I made in art school and no longer have space for. The couch is large: measures 5′ 3″ long, 3′ 3″ wide at the middle, and stands 2′ 3″ tall (and is heavy like a couch). The pics are from my portfolio and are several years old; as a result, the couch has some scuffmarks and stains around the bottom from being moved, but otherwise is in excellent shape. A professional upholsterer helped me build the couch, so it is also functional and durable as a piece of furniture. The couch must be picked up in Mendocino, a 3-hour drive north of SF. I am asking for $600 and a loving home! Call Willow at [deleted] or reply to posting. “

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I’m not going to ask my friend what search terms he was entering to come across this beauty. One plus is that I’m sure there are a lot of men out there who could benefit from the large scale female anatomy lesson it offers (myself excluded, of course :).

Me, I would feel bad if I ended up getting a bunch of cracker crumbs and spare change from my pockets in it. You’d never get them out.

I’m NOT a sea monkey murderer!

Okay, it is probably more appropriate to say that I am not a sea monkey MASS murderer since it appears that my previous error in judgment allowed some of the sea monkeys to survive. Evidence below:

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Whew. That’s a load off.